Perfect Life
by Dark Austral
Summary: Jack's POV from 4x10, in which he contemplates the two women in his life: Juliet and Kate.


Disclaimer: I don't own or profit from LOST.

A/N: This is just a random one-shot response to last week's episode with Jack. If you haven't seen "Something Nice Back Home" then there are spoilers. Also, sorry to all the people who like Jate. I lean toward Jacket, but I tried to not to bash the other pairing. So, enjoy!

**Perfect Life**

In a perfect world, a sudden yearning to find something wrong flared to life. But why? He had everything he ever wanted. He finally shared a bed, house and life with a woman he loved since the beginning. And the child they were raising together made him feel like despite all his wrong doings, he was achieving something of importance.

The why was he questioning it all?

Why did Jack Sheppard want something to go wrong and try to fix it? This life he always wanted with Kate didn't make him feel whole. In fact, it felt the opposite. Standing on cold tiles, with the shower running behind, the soft sighs of the occupant barely heard, Jack felt the earth shift.

He was no longer in a nice bathroom in a large house at the outskirts of Los Angles. Kate was nowhere to be heard, seen or smelled. Neither was Aaron's toys littering the floor. All that surrounded him was the abandoned beach of his camp. Or what he could see through the flap of the tent.

Shifting, he bit back a gasp of pain flaring from his side. Gazing down, he took in the neat, black stitches. That was right. He had his appendix removed on the island. Taking a deep breath, Jack tried to sit up but groaned and fell back onto the cot. Soft footsteps pulled his eyes upwards to watch a tall, regal woman part the flap and enter inside the small dwelling.

Sliding down on her knees, piercing blue eyes sent a condescending stare as if he has stolen a cookie from the cookie jar. "I guess telling you to rest is out of the question."

"Juliet," began Jack.

Blond curls danced around her shoulders as Juliet shook her head. "Nothing exciting is happening at the moment. Nothing that Kate or I can't handle. You need to rest Jack or risk destroying my beautiful patch work."

A small chuckle forced Jack's lips to smile. No matter the scenario, Juliet could always make him laugh. "I wasn't going to leave, in fact. I was just studying that beautiful patch work and it's perfect."

Juliet sighed and rolled her eyes mockingly, "Don't lie, Jack."

The hard voice left no room for joking. And underneath, Jack could hear the crashing waves of pain. Last night's memory of Juliet telling Kate that he had kissed her and that it was only a test spilt red shame onto his cheeks. Tilting his head away from her, Jack tried to get a grasp at the misty monster of guilt.

"Juliet, I-"

"You don't have to say anything, Jack," whispered Juliet with that confident voice that he both hated and loved. She always seemed to know what he was thinking and would be one step ahead. "We're adults, not love-sick children. But if you want to play one, then maybe Kate is the one for you."

He heard her rise. Sand from her clothes trickled down onto him, yet the soft landings felt like bullets.

"I don't need your protection, Jack. Now rest and I'll come back with dinner. And who knows, if you're a good patient, I might bring back dessert."

With those words, Juliet left Jack in the tent to absorb her words. He knew what she had meant. Ben. Grinding his teeth, Jack bore holes into the tattered tarp with his eyes. That villain had used and tortured Juliet, held her against her will and broke her heart repeatedly.

"_Just like you're starting to do_," whispered a dark voice. "_You're leading your people to death, using them selfishly and breaking hearts in the process. You're starting to walk in his footsteps…_"

Shaking his head, Jack crushed that dark voice to dust. He wasn't like Ben and would never be like him. But…shooting his dark blue eyes at the opening, Jack watched from the distance as Juliet was talking to Kate.

He felt his heart fly towards the curly brunette and felt warmed at the concern that was radiating off of her body. Yet, his soul was still in grieving as it set its sights on Juliet. Later on, Jack would learn of how Juliet took initiative of the situation and let Dan and Charlotte help but with 'protection' from Jin and Sun. And all that at the spur of the moment with a level head, described Bernard when the elder man visited him in the tent.

Kate could never do such a thing and if Juliet wasn't there, he might not be alive right now. Gratefulness swelled in him and that was when it hit him. Jack never thanked Juliet. After the surgery, they barely talked at all but still, the looks they shared spoke volumes. Juliet might have told Kate and maybe convinced herself that Jack only kissed her as a test. But he did want to protect her and on some level, deeper than all the kisses he shared with Kate, he had poured his love in that one single kiss outside of the faculty. He loved the steadiness of her character, of her wit, the way her blue eyes lit up and of the pure motive that she wanted to get leave the island as much as him. He could always depend on her no matter what to make the reasonable decision.

Jack loved Kate and Juliet. He was granted a second chance of love on that island. One love was full of passion, the other of understanding. In the end, he could only have one. And like a lovesick child, he chose the intoxicating rush of passionate love with Kate.

Blinking, Jack found himself back in the bathroom. The shower was still going on, but everything had changed. His heart loved Kate, but his soul loved Juliet and without a complete soul Jack realized that this was the source of unease. Of why he sought a way out of this perfect life.

Maybe, he could end up like Hurley and see dead people. That way he could break away from Kate and this life back into the comfortness of loneliness. Then, Ben would show up with impeccable timing and whisk him back to the island. The catch: his heart would be broken.

Or he could soak up the suffering, drown it in a glass of whiskey and let his heart lead the way. He could live this life with Kate, propose to her and raise Aaron as a son. He could be the father his own wasn't. The catch: his soul incomplete.

If only Jack knew of what was to come. Of the strange visions of his father at the hospital, of Hurley's prophetic message and of Kate's late night meetings. If he had known that his heart would be shattered beyond repair by his staying with Kate than with Juliet, whose quirky words could brighten his day no matter what his heart would heal given time.

Those infinite trains of thought imploded, merging together into a mass in the palm of his hand. That mass molded and hardened itself into a white ceramic razor.

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A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it. This little POV took place when Jack was in the bathroom and stared down at the razor Kate had bought for him. For a brief instance, you see a distant look on his face and I couldn't help but think that he was thinking of Juliet. Anyway, enough said. Take care and thanks for reading!


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